For Danny - sexswitch

[sluttylyingliar]

There is fuckery afoot. Deep, deep levels of fuckery. Rachel is staying firmly on her porch, smoking furiously because she does not even want to know what else is going on. People who should be grown ass men are little kids and she's so intensely grateful she's not a fat, 13 year old version of herself. She'd rather wake up with a dick than have Raylan see that. Have Danny see that. But especially Raylan.

But whatever, she's staying right here. As if there's not enough going on. This is exactly what they need.

Fucking island.

Comments

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

Is Danny smoking crack? Because seriously what the fuck is he talking about.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" she wonders aloud, staring dumbly up at him.

[haolehothead]

"He wants a goddamn baby from me!" Danny snaps, a little louder, shutting up because this is not the place to have a weeping freakout. "And he wants to scrape inside me to do it, because this isn't going to last, so I have to go and I have to subject myself to tests and and and...and medical...stuff if I say yes."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

Rachel's head whips over by some instinct she doesn't want to name to check on Raylan before slowly wheeling back to Danny.

"Wait a second," she whispers, pushing up to her feet. "He wants you to like...freeze an egg? Are you shitting me? It's fucking Gilligan's island, we can't do that."

[haolehothead]

Danny's got his arms crossed tightly over his chest, a dark look over his face as he gives Rachel a pleading look that asks her to remember just how many geniuses the goddamn place imports. Never mind that Helen is almost two hundred years old and a doctor.

"He brought me pamphlets."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Wait a second," she says, raising a finger. "Are you telling me we can freeze eggs and I can't find a decent hair straightener? What would do with the egg like...after? Who's gonna have it?"

[haolehothead]

"Are you shitting me? You need a good hairbrush and some gel," Danny gives her a dubious look. "You give me twenty minutes some day with your hair and I'll have it straight as a pin without even needing to touch an iron." Three sisters, he better well have learned this shit. "And I don't know! I don't know, I don't even know if I wanna do it. It's crazy is what it is."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"You're giving me hair advice?" she snorts, eyeing his hurricane of failure hair. "Well, you better fucking decide fast. Ugh, Jesus. I bet it hurts. I mean, you've never even had a period cramp. You are in for it, dude."

[haolehothead]

"Oh, screw you, like I've had time?" Danny bitches, rolling his eyes. "I could tame this mess into a silken forest of beauty," he says, using his fingers to gesticulate. "And I never said I was gonna agree. I don't want to get scraped just to find out I'm dry. Think of the look I'll have to see on Steve's goddamn puppy face."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Is that what this is about?" she huffs. "You look like a fucking teenager. You've got huge tits and birthing hips. You're fertile, trust me."

[haolehothead]

"It's not about that. It's about not being sure I want to be scraped and mined for eggs," he says, face screwed up and almost looking on the verge of tears. "I want more kids, but I don't want to be the source of ... that!"

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Okay, come on, back outside," she orders, dragging him back out, dress and all. "Danny, okay listen. The scraping thing will be like a really bad case of the cramps and then it's over. And you can always like...not use the egg, right? You'll regret it if you don't do it."

Wow. Rachel is so wise nowadays.

[haolehothead]

Danny's cheeks are flushed with the stress of the anxiety and the thought of all of this and he wipes at his cheeks to try and cool them off, if nothing else. "It's just so fucking weird," he spits out, sniffling. "It's weird and I hate it because it's so weird."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but this whole place is weird," she points out. "My boyfriend's a five year old. I went to Kentucky once. You aren't the only guy out there today with tits. Maybe this is like, your shot at kids. At least you won't have to fucking birth it."

[haolehothead]

Danny wipes away at several tears on his cheeks that he couldn't quite stop (and is continuing to blame on hormones). "Yeah, right," Danny huffs out. "No one will carry this damn thing. You won't, my other female friends won't. It's just Steve setting himself up for disappointment."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

Rachel bites back on about one hundred sarcastic things because Danny's crying and that's just too sad. Plus, she's feeling the teensiest bit maternal today.

"Dude," she says, sliding an arm around his shoulders. Because he's that short. "There might be. There might be some girl who wants kids but doesn't have a guy or something. So you guys might have to share the kid. I don't know. But you've got time. It won't thaw."

[haolehothead]

"The whole goddamn reason I don't do surrogates is that right there," Danny says, fingers fidgeting and trying to get the damn dress off. "Get this off, get me out of this, I don't want to do this anymore, I just...I need out."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Seriously? Sharing a kid is worse than not having one?" she boggles, tugging the damn dress down right on the porch in front of God and the island. Thank God she'd brought his clothes out with them. "There's no guarantee you'd even have to share it. Don't flip out."

[haolehothead]

Danny shoves at the material to get it off, swathing himself in the protective feel of his shirt and pants, even going so far as to tying the tie back around the collar. "Like you don't flip out every time I bring up kids?" he accuses heatedly.

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, because I don't want one," she shoots back. "You do and this is how it's going to be possible. It's a good thing, Danny."

[haolehothead]

"It's not a..." Danny huffs, knotting the tie as tightly as he can without choking himself, crossing his arms over his chest and wanting to go back home to curl up in bed with the damn puppy. "It's an awkward thing, that's what it is, and I don't know that I like it."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"Awkward enough to give up on having a kid?" she presses. "Just because you freeze an egg doesn't mean you have to go through with it. But if you do nothing you are guaranteed no baby."

[haolehothead]

Danny sighs and slumps onto the ground, sitting with his back pressed up against the hut, not wanting to think too deeply about any of this. "I just want to go back to normal so I can tease Steve for being an idiot who surfs too much and I don't have tits."

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"You will," she says firmly. "In two days you'll grow a dick again and sprout up a few inches but maybe you'll also be left with the possibility of having a kid. You're not the only ones to do something like this. I heard fucking Anne of Green Gables had a kid with her wife. Seriously."

[haolehothead]

"So, I should do this? Really?" Danny's still a bit wary, but if Rachel of all people thinks that maybe it's worth the shot, then Danny ought to start listening to good old common sense.

[sluttylyingliar.livejournal.com]

"I can't tell you that, but I can tell you that limiting your options doesn't make sense," she reasons, awash in being so grownup for a moment. "I mean, I don't want kids, but I'm not going to run get my tubes tied. That's limiting options."