For Danny - Meet Jess

[sluttylyingliar]

Jess Davis Givens did not come into this world calmly or quietly. Well, that's to say his mother did not birth him calmly or quietly. From the get go, they were kind of fucked. Their new wild west house is miles from the clinic, along a hot, dusty path strewn with fucking rattlesnakes and all sorts of shit and the one time, the ONE TIME Raylan leaves her alone, boom. Labor.

Thank God for Danny who had quickly found her on her hands the knees not far up the road, contractions already coming hard and strong. And, you know, fucking old west. No real drugs, no sterile clinic, nothing. It was bad. It was really, really painful and there'd been something with her blood pressure and honestly, Rachel doesn't remember. She really doesn't. It's a haze of almost passing out on the way up there, a lot of panic until Raylan showed up, pain and more pain. And then, just like that, a baby's getting shoved into her arms and she's a mother. She barely had the strength to hold the kid but there he was. A crying, tiny little thing. Her son. Jesus.

Jess Givens is pretty predictable, already. A little solemn, unless he's hungry or pissed and then he's wild and loud and not a little terrifying. His eyes are already almost brown and there's a shock of dark red hair that Rachel seriously hopes doesn't get any more red.

The first time for everything was terrifying. Breastfeeding is a goddamn nightmare because of the implants. The doctors don't know if it'll work and it makes her a little sad. Diapers are horrible and frankly she still feels like she's gonna drop him half the time. He's dozing against her chest as she drifts a little, staring up at the wooden beams in the ceiling. Holy Shit. 

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[haolehothead]

It's about as hard as Danny expected all of this to be. He's glad for Rachel, he really is. He loves her and he wants her to be happy and he knows, more than anything, that even though she's scared, she's gonna get used to the whole mother thing in no time. The problem is missing Grace with all his heart, but he can cope with that later. "Well, howdy," he drawls, a stupidly fond grin on his face as he takes off his hat and wanders into the room. "I figured I'd be allowed to visit, what with the screaming being over and all."

[sluttylyingliar]

"I'd say so," she says softly, smiling sleepily up at him. "Considering if it weren't for you, I'd have given birth in a ditch. I'm sure Raylan will come up with a manly way to thank you."

Jess lets out a chirp as he squirms against Rachel. "Want to see him?"

[haolehothead]

"Are you kidding? I'd love nothing more than to see this little guy," Danny says brightly, reaching out with both hands as he asks for permission. He knows better than to just take. "I've been waiting a long time to meet your little man's acquaintance, you really think I wouldn't want to see him up close and personally?"

[sluttylyingliar]

"Yeah, yeah," she murmurs, grinning even as she rolls her eyes. It's pretty obvious how awkward she is as she slowly and carefully turns Jess around and holds him out. His little face screws up for a second before blinking awake. "Jess Givens, your Uncle Danny."

[haolehothead]

Danny grins, sitting down beside the bed so he can help support himself while he takes Jess into his arms, cradling the back of his head as supportively as he can. "Hey, sweetheart," Danny whispers, as soothing as he can. "Hey little Jess, I'm your Uncle Danny and I'm gonna teach you as much as I can as you grow up. I'm going to teach you about the rules and how to be a good boy."

[sluttylyingliar]

It's impossible not to smile at that, it's just so goddamn cute. There's also a perverse sense of relief in hearing those words. That Danny's going to help.

"Good thing someone's going to teach him to be good," she letting out a shaky breath. "Look at that kid, Danny. Red hair. Poor little bastard."

[haolehothead]

"Like there was any ever doubt?" Danny says with a scoff. "Besides, his Dad is Raylan, he's going to grow up with true-north on his moral compass," he says, keeping his voice soft so Jess doesn't start crying. Danny rocks him gently as he can, sliding his fingers up and down his back. "He's beautiful, Rach. Most beautiful little boy I've ever seen in my life."

[sluttylyingliar]

"Thanks, Danny," she whispers, a little teary despite her best efforts. "We like him. Raylan's so over the moon. He's off figuring out food. Still can't believe this happened in fucking Old west."

[haolehothead]

Danny keeps rocking him softly, sliding his fingers through the softness of his hair, shifting until he's perched on the bed, leaning in towards her. "Smell," he commands. "I'm serious. You have to get used that baby smell, it's the best thing in the world."

[sluttylyingliar]

He smells like...well.

"Babe," she says softly, trying to avoid waking the kid up too much. "He smells like breast milk and hair. Which, okay by the way, breast feeding? Total disaster."

[haolehothead]

Danny rolls his eyes. "You're not actually paying proper attention to this," he scolds, taking Jess back into his arms and rocking him soothingly, pressing kisses to his head while he leans back. "Don't you worry, little Jessie, Uncle Danny appreciates your smell."

[sluttylyingliar]

"You're going to be enjoying way more smells in about an hour," she murmurs, leaning back against the pillows. She's so tired it's ridiculous, but she can't sleep. Just keeps staring at Jess like his head's going to fall off.

"Call him Jessie in front of Raylan, I dare you." Jess rouses a little at them and blindly wraps a hand around Danny's thumb, cooing happily.

[haolehothead]

"Yeah, well, I'll clean up after those, too," Danny promises, grinning widely as he stares down at the little finger encircling his. His whole damn heart breaks and melts at the same time, his face lighting up like he just can't even begin to believe it. "I'll call him anything I want when I'm changing him."

[sluttylyingliar]

"Fair enough," she concedes, beaming up with a dumb, fond grin. "He's gonna love you so much, Danny. He's going to just think you hung the moon."

[haolehothead]

"Yeah, well, he's got two parents to adore before he even gets to me," Danny says, giving Rachel a fond smile over Jess' head. "Besides, if I'm teaching him about all the stern things, you really think he's going to like me so much? I mean, his teen years are going to be about disobeying me."

[sluttylyingliar]

"You try and teach me all the stern things and I love you,"she points out, squeezing his knee.

Jess rapidly grows bored and nestles back into Danny with a content sigh. "How are you doing, Danny? You okay?"

[haolehothead]

Danny's attention is focused on Jess when she asks, but he knows that she's going to see the way he purses his lips -- just slightly. "No," he admits, his brow furrowed in a way that shows that he wants to break a lot more than this, but he keeps it together. "No, I'm not, but thanks for asking, babe."

[sluttylyingliar]

Rachel takes a careful breath before saying anything, heart hurting that she fucks up and gets a kid out of it and he can't get one no matter how hard he tries.

"You don't have to do this if it's going to hurt you," she whispers. "Danny you don't have to torture yourself."

[haolehothead]

"I don't know," Danny says and he sounds raw for his confession. "Honestly, I think it might be worse if I couldn't have Grace and I couldn't help with Jess, either. It's not your fault that there isn't a woman out there dumb enough to decide she wants to help me have a kid."

[sluttylyingliar]

"It might still happen," she says, unable to quite look him in the eye. She doesn't know who could do that. Have a kid and what? Share it? With another couple? Automatic joint custody?

"You know you're a part of this family, Danny. You're every bit a brother to me and I want you to be a part of this kid's life. An every day kind of part. But you tell me if it's too much, okay?"

[haolehothead]

"I promise, I will," Danny swears, hand in the air like he's the boy scout in the family and not Steve (and crap, but did he just refer to Steve as family? That's definitely a sign that he's dived into this thing as deep as he can get). He slowly transfers Jess back to Rachel's arms. "Here, don't let me steal away your precious peaceful newborn time. Soon, he'll be screaming his head off and you'll want to remember this moment."

[sluttylyingliar]

"You're not stealing anything," she protests softly, cradling Jess to her chest and rolling her eyes as he starts to root around for a boob. Again.

"You wanna lay down with us for a while? I could use the company."

[haolehothead]

"Yeah, why not," Danny agrees, loosening up the leather vest he's been wearing as he gives her a light nudge at the hip. "Hey, scootch over. If I'm staying, I plan on getting plenty comfortable."

[sluttylyingliar]

Rachel grumbles, just because, but happily scoots over, fully planning on using Danny as a human body pillow.

"I'm sleepy," she mumbles against his shirt. "You think if the kid gets hungry you could just him on my boob? I give you permission."

Jess squeaks out a protest at being moved but settles happily back down, tiny finger curling and uncurling.

[haolehothead]

Danny reaches over to quiet Jess by rubbing two fingers over his small back, soothing him with the constant motion as he settles some pillows to make sure they're well-kept in. "How about you sleep and I keep Jessie entertained, huh?"

[sluttylyingliar]

"Don't call him Jessie," she mutters with no heat as she settles in and closes her eyes. "I'm glad you're here, Danny. You realize now you can really never leave, right? Never."

[haolehothead]

"Why shouldn't I? He's adorable enough for the nickname," Danny whispers back, teasing her every step of the way. "And I realize I can never, ever leave, I know," he says, kissing her temple. "I love you, Rach. That's not going away, either."

[sluttylyingliar]

"Call him Jessie in front of Raylan," she snorts, smiling sleepily as she sort of wedges Jess between them before she passes out. "Love you too, babe."

It doesn't take for her to drift off, snuggled into Danny's warm side with Jess breathing softly against her chest.